Tuesday, December 1, 2009

He's Making a List...

As I watch television and read trashy magazines this holiday season (because who better to get you in the Christmas spirit than John and Kate?), I can't help but think about Jolly Old Saint Nick making his list. Mr. Claus, if you're reading this, here are my suggestions for the naughty list:

1. Tareq and Michaele Salahi. There isn't a pretty dress, blonde dye-job, or fancy name that can explain this one. You are so naughty. And busted.

2. Rep. Joe Wilson. It's naughty to interrupt, Joe. Especially when your boss is speaking. And doubly so when your boss is the President of the United States.

3. Kanye West. Again with the interrupting (Santa senses a theme among the naughty boys on his North American route this year).

4. Wall Street. All of Wall Street gets coal for being greedy. You already got a present from the President and it wasn't enough? Tsk. Tsk.

5. Jon Gosselin. Seriously dude, you're a father of eight. It's naughty to think you can chain smoke and chase the ladies.

6. Balloon Boy's parents. I don't even know where to start.

7. Levi Johnston. Giving a tell-all interview in Vanity Fair about your baby mama's mama is just rude. I'm no Sarah Palin fan, but who seriously believes that she would call her baby a "retard"? Santa wants to remind you that Sarah Palin is your son's grandma. Naughty!

8. Tiger Woods. You should know that the media is much like this little stuffed elf that my mom had perched on our clock in the living room of my childhood home, always watching, all-knowing.

9. Notre Dame Athletics and Alumni, for spending $18 million to get rid of Head Football Coach Charlie Weiss, money that could go for, oh, I don't know, scholarships for deserving students? Santa wants to remind you that you aren't even in a conference. Get over yourselves.

10. Dick Cheney. I'm sure you've done something to annoy the big guy this year. Even out of office.

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